Sex Tips: The Shy Girl’s Guide to Getting Comfortable in the Bedroom


We’re all a bit bashful about something. And for some Smitten readers, that something is the hooking up that goes on between the sheets. If you’ve ever felt shy or even self-conscious in the bedroom, this post is for you.

Shy readers, I know I’ve warned you to look away from super racy sex tips (like this one!), but today’s post is completely PG. I reached out to Dr. Ava Cadell, a sex therapist and founder of Loveology University (a site dedicated to sexual education) to chat about those bashful bedroom feelings and how to deal with them.

Are there small steps a person can take to feel more comfortable in the bedroom?
Yes, the first step is to acknowledge what gets you into a juicy state of mind and then act upon those desires. So if listening to sexy music, taking a bubble bath, eating dark chocolate or having a glass of wine get you in the mood for love, do it. The second step is to prepare things to enhance all of your 5 senses like scented candles for sight and smell, feathers for touch, WET flavored lubes for taste, and erotic sounds for the sense of hearing.

How can a shy woman take control in the bedroom?
She can blindfold her lover so he can’t see her making love to him. By taking away his sense of sight, it will heighten his other senses and give her the courage to do things she wouldn’t normally do if he could see her.

Do men get uncomfortable in the bedroom too? What are some hints that he’s shy in the bedroom?
Some hints that a guy is shy in the bedroom include making love in positions where the woman is facing away from him and he stays quiet during sex.

If you feel self-conscious about voicing desires in bed, how can you let your partner know what you’d like?
To let your partner know what you do like, create a Passion Wheel together. Get a large blank sheet of paper and write Passion Wheel at the top, then draw a big circle in the center of the paper and divide it up into 10 parts like a pie. Take turns writing down 10 passionate activities inside your Passion Wheel, 5 for you and 5 for your partner. Here are some hints: kissing, role-playing, g-spot exploration, erotic talk, sexual massage, oral sex, prostate massage, quickies, anal sex and intercourse. Once a day take turns choosing at least one activity from your Passion Wheel to keep your relationship passionate.

How can you make your partner understand that self-consciousness or shyness in bed isn’t a response to something they’ve done or not done?
By praising them on things they do in bed that feel good, even if you just say, “that feels so good.” There is nothing sexier than sexual confidence so don’t let your partner know that you are shy or self-conscious in bed because they will interpret that by thinking that you don’t like sex, you don’t like your body or you don’t like them. Get over your shyness by learning how to please yourself, loving and accepting your own body, taking full responsibility for your pleasure and orgasm.

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