10 Tips to having safe, fun sex (for the first time)
There are a lot of misconceptions about having sex for the first time. The truth is that while sex is a natural desire and can be things like sexy, fun, beautiful, it can also be awkward and uncomfortable at times. It's not always tear-off-your-clothes-as-soon-as-you-walk-through-the-front-door level hot. Sometimes our clumsiness gets the best of us and weird sounds we've never heard our body make before come to light at seemingly the worst times.
As autumn is upon us and a lot of college students are starting back up at school, it's time to level with everyone about the realities surrounding "losing your virginity". There is a way to have sex for the first time that can be fun, safe, and actually not feeling like you've lost anything at all, but rather gaining another natural, vital experience in what it is to be human.
Here are some tips to having the best sex of your life (for the first time ever):
#1 - Take the pressure off of it
Sex is something that is discussed often amongst peers who are typically college age and sometimes even younger. Don't let the opinions and myths of others influence how you go into your first time. Let's let everyone in on a little secret - porn isn't real sex. The story you heard about your friend's older sister's first time was probably fabricated. And it's okay to take it slow. Taking the pressure off of the experience being "monumental" or "amazing" will make for a more enjoyable outcome.
#2 - Don't rush into it
Just because people are talking about it and it feels like the "thing" to do, doesn't mean you should have sex at the first opportunity. You're allowed to say ‘no' if things don't feel right. Sex will always be there and there's no shame around waiting. There's no shame around knowing what's right for you. There's less regret in waiting for when feels good (and the sex will probably be better that way).
#3 - How to ask and When to ask you're partner if they've been tested
If you're exchanging bodily fluids with someone that's more than just saliva, it's a safe bet you should ask them if they've been tested for STDs. It's not always a comfortable topic, but it's far better to be safe than sorry. Be confident when asking "when was the last time you were tested?". Even if it feels awkward, you're about to be intimate with this person and making sure you're staying healthy as much as possible is a sign of self-respect. There's no telling what the other person will say: hope that they're honest and do what you feel is right with the information that is given to you. If you don't ask your partner about their most recent STD checkup, you risk being infected by something that could've been avoided.
#4 - Sex isn't always penetrative
Traditionally, we learn about sexual education through a heterosexual lens. "How babies are made" is when a penis enters a vagina and sperm fertilizes an egg. And while yes, that is sex, sex also comes in many other forms. Sex and intimacy isn't just the act of sexual intercourse. It includes acts like going down on someone orally; things like phone sex; and stimulating someone with your hands. If you're planning on taking a step into the world of intimacy, be sure that you're not pushing any sexual act so casually that you're not protecting yourself.
#5 - How to say what feels good without feeling like you're killing the vibe
This is a tough one. But it shouldn't be. Voicing what feels good in a moment where you're already vulnerable might make you feel even more exposed. If you're not communicating with your partner about what feels good to you, chances are the sex won't be good. The fact is, nobody can read your mind. It doesn't matter how experienced or inexperienced your sexual partner(s) are, every body is unique in how it experiences pleasure. If you're feeling nervous for the first time, just be extra vocal in your moans about what feels good. If your partner is paying attention, they'll take note of that and do more of it. Also, it's never a bad idea to ask them what they like. "What's something that really turns you on?" isn't a buzzkill question but rather an instigator into something hot and heavy.
#6 - (mostly for vaginas) Pee after sex!
Anytime you have sex, you shouldn't wait to pee. Waiting to pee after sex can lead to a UTI. And trust us, once you get one, you'll never want to feel that way again.
#7 - How to put on a condom without feeling awkward
See Tip #1 and just accept that sometimes things might get awkward! Getting out a condom and putting it on isn't always smooth, especially without practice. But just let yourself laugh about it and take comfort in the fact that you're protecting yourself and your partner. Remember to hold the tip while you slide it on. And it you're worried about there being too much friction with a condom, get some WET lube handy. WET Water-based or Platinum silicone lube is the safest to use with condoms.
#8 - If you think you'll be nervous, bring in some reinforcements
If it's your first time having sex with someone else, but you've masturbated previously with sexual accessories, there's no shame in bringing a couple of them along with you for the ride. Let your partner in on your sexy secret and show them how you like it. If you're tense, things like lube and sex toys can be great way to get things started and help you feel more at ease.
#9 - Don't do anything you're not comfortable with
Like we've said before, there's no rush when it comes to sex. Say ‘no' if it feels uncomfortable and explain why you're feeling that way. Or take the time to process it and explain later. You should never feel like you need to give your partner an excuse as to why you won't do something. Taking the step to be intimate with someone else is a vulnerable thing, especially for the first time. Being honest with someone about where you're at emotionally, spiritually, and physically when it comes to sex will build trust with your partner and make sex better for the both of you in the long run.
#10 - HAVE FUN!!!
Don't be too stressed to not enjoy the moment. Lean into what feels good, be present, and have a good time.
And Always Remember to #JUSTADDSEX
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