Dirty talk may seem extremely sexy and desirable especially in your favorite romance movies, but when it comes to doing it yourself, it can be unnatural and (extremely) awkward; thinking about it may be enough to make you cringe. Similar to any kind of sexual activity, you should not be pressured into doing it if you are not entirely comfortable. However, if you want to try dirty talking for the first time, or just brush up on your skills, here are some tips for you that will help to spice things up in the bedroom.
1. Start Slowly
Avoid jumping right into it as soon as you decide to as these things take practice. You can start off with moaning, and then ease into short phrases like “yessssss….”, “right there”, “ooh yes baby” that come naturally to you. You should stick to words and terminologies that are part of your daily speech, instead of choosing words that are not in your normal vocabulary. The key is to emphasize how the words are delivered. If you’re at a loss for words, describe what your partner is doing to you in a sensual manner. It also works when you use dirty words that come to mind while you’re immersing yourself in it, like the F word especially if you hardly use it in daily discourse. Words like that will make the entire experience more thrilling and enjoyable when you shout it out or whisper it into your lover’s ear.
Saying these things softly and whispering it to your partner is another way that you can turn up the heat. Alternating between the volumes and tones of your voice helps to make your dirty talk fun and effective, instead of sticking to the same normal voice throughout. Try saying your words really slowly and softly, making it more intimate between you and your partner. You can whisper naughty words or phrases to your partner, accentuating words like “wet”, “hard” and “tongue” to get your partner more aroused.
3. Practice Makes Perfect
Practice saying these words and phrases to yourself in order to make you feel more natural when you say it in bed. Repeat it a few times and hear yourself say it to help you decide which manner of speech is best for your partner. One way you can do this is by saying these things to yourself when you masturbate. When you get used to it, you can try adding one or two in when you engage in intercourse. Don’t pressure yourself into constantly coming up with things to say throughout the sex session; no one expects you to!
4. Be Less Conscious
Dirty talk is only effective and impactful when the deliverer says it with confidence and without hesitation. Remember that there’s no one recording this, and only your partner gets to hear all of it! Regardless of how bad you are, nobody is going to replay your dirty talk in bed and remember you for it. So be less conscious and avoid over-thinking it.
5. Allow Them to Take Charge
If you’re uncomfortable with starting first, you can ease into it when they start dirty talking to you and adopting the same tone that they use. A simple statement like “I love it when you do ___ to me” can help facilitate the entire sexual experience. Relationship expert Antonia Hall states that “shorter is better” as you start to become more accustomed to it. If you ask deep questions that force your partner to stop and think, it may slow things down and break the momentum. If you’re lacking inspiration, you can read erotica or read it to your partner during foreplay.
6. Look at Them in the Eye
Maintaining eye contact as you engage in dirty talk helps to see if your partner is aroused by you; this will definitely help to get their attention as well. Avoid staring blankly into your partner’s eyes like a deer in the headlights and instead, look at him with confidence and talk dirty like you mean it.
7. Voice Out What You Want
If there’s something that you’ve been fantasizing about or have been wanting to try out, verbalize it into words to make your requests and desires known to your partner. Asking for these things can also be an effective way of spicing up your sex sessions, with statements like “bend me over and spank me” or questions like “do you want to ____ my ____?” Don’t limit your imagination and let your thoughts run free knowing that you’re in a safe space with your partner. A point to take note of is to avoid being under any fake pretense and acting a role that you think your partner may like even though it is not genuinely you. Just be who you are and comfortable in your own skin!
8. Don’t Put Too Much Thought Into It
Avoid overthinking and just say whatever that comes to mind. Go with the flow and verbalize your innermost thoughts — how much your partner is turning you on, how good it feels when they’re inside you and how you’re enjoying whatever that they’re doing to you. Sex is all about engaging in intimacy with your loved one; that you trust and letting loose. Allow your body to react to the experience and unleash your kinky side!
9. Go Beyond the Bedroom
Dirty talk isn’t necessarily confined to the bedroom; send your loved one a dirty text or a naughty picture when you two are apart to spice up your relationship. Telling them what you’re wearing underneath and even showing them during the day, or describing what you want to do to them will foster greater intimacy. Your goal is to be the only thing on their mind until they reach home!
10. Build It Up
The most effective way to talk dirty is by describing scenarios and fantasies so real and detailed that it feels like you’re living in them. These vivid descriptions can help to make both you and your partner more aroused and even reach the climax. There’s no such thing as over-describing when it comes to bedroom talk. Verbalize the entire process and make use of the five senses in order to make the experience surreal. Once that is done, let your fingers do the talking!
All in all, the most important thing about dirty talk is to have fun with your partner and amp things up a little! Avoid stressing over it and over-practicing such that it feels more scripted than it should be. If you say something wrong, simply laugh it off and keep going — it is meant to make the experience more fun instead of slowing you down! Talking dirty is easy, you just have to get used to it and shed some inhibitions for a fun time in the bedroom.
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